Krīzes grūtniecības centrs - Blog

How to Live after Abortion?

Tue, 14 May 2019 10:00:00 +0000

A pregnancy test confirms that the child has claimed his right to be. But we still have so many other plans - a career, unfinished repair, a car loan has not been paid. These are some of the reasons why a pregnancy from joyful news turns into controversial thoughts - to keep a baby or not. Unplanned pregnancy is and will remain one of the most difficult questions to answer in the woman's life.

Recently, I made sure about this again, turning over the pages of our old photobooks with the mom. Our family was seen before my sister's birth in any black-and-white snapshot: me dressed in a lovely checked skirtalls, smiling towards the camera lens, a dad with a hairdo of groomed hair was characteristic to youth, smiling as well, and my mother with a very serious, hard-tempered expression on the face. “In this picture, my face expression is unhappy because I just found out that I'm pregnant,” she talks and laughs in her own right. It's good that now you can laugh about it, and it's really wonderful that we now are four instead of three, as in that black and white picture without a sister, we look something lonely. But still... Mom was emotional over it and doubted, as do hundreds of women every day. In more than a third of the cases they choose an abortion, such is the statistics in Latvia.

The cruel legacy of attitude

Marika Bērtule, a founder of the Crisis Pregnancy Centre:

- The emotional side of the abortion is a fact that has now been ignored in today's society. About the postabortion syndrome, which varies from mild emotional experience to a serious traumatic state, has been talking in the world for over a decade. In our turn, this legacy is rather ruthless in our country, as the Soviet-era statistics show that every woman, on average, had three to five abortions during her life. At the same time, this was considered as a common cause, a normal type of contraception. If you would say that it was a baby, a cruel mockery shower spilled over you. In the 1990s, after the fall of the Soviet rule, we had no time to talk about psychological problems, there were other more serious things to deal with. And now, finally, we can take a breath and focus on the postabortion syndrome, trying to figure out what is the basis of women's ill luck.

Although harsh Soviet years have already passed, it will take a long time to change the attitude and values of society. Nowadays, after an abortion, a woman often faces serious psychological problems, which are usually suppressed, because society does not talk about it. The feelings not being expressed and trusted to anyone, the woman buries deeply in herself and tries to live with them. This situation can be compared to furuncle that cannot be seen from the outside, but with years, it becomes larger and more sensitive - slightly pressed the pain will shoot a way out. Such a pressure may be anything. For example, another kids, when a woman looks at him or her and thinks that she could have two or even three being a happy mother of a number of children. A pregnant daughter or a friend might be another trigger. Problems may arise in relations with a husband - a woman, without realizing it, subconsciously blames a man for what she had to undergo, because he had not been able to understand and support the woman at that time. Also, there are sexual problems, emotional isolation, and inability to show love. Each woman is very individual and each one may experience unique complications, which she often does not associate with abortion in the oldest past.

In a gynecological examination chair

Ilze Vīksna, a obstetrician-gynaecologist:

Abortion is a very traumatic process that occurs without vision control. During this time, a woman suffers several medical injuries. One of them is associated with damage to the uterine lining, and it is difficult to predict how the recovery process will take place. Often, the inflammation of the uterus and hence the temperature, bleeding and accumulation of clots in it occur. If, after an abortion, the woman again is pregnant, bleeding and spontaneous abortion may occur as a result of the uterine lining injury. The second biggest problem is that during an abortion the cervix should be opened, which naturally is firmly attached. The muscle of the uterus is shaped so that maybe it can no longer function normally when it is opened up with power. If a woman succeeds in conceiving a baby, the cervix may not contain the fetus. Ovarian obstruction is the third disaster that women often have to face resulting in infertility or ectopic pregnancy. The balance of ovarian activity is disturbed and menstrual disorders develop.

Many women think after abortion that the most important thing is to get pregnant, but they forget that the pregnancy should be carried to term of nine months to be lively and healthy. Spontaneous abortions, ectopic pregnancies, unborn children, premature births, when the baby is not yet viable - these are just a few of the possible failures that mothers find when they have aborted in the past.

An abortion is definitely not a type of contraception - it's absurd and silly to think like this. If the embryo is three or five weeks old, it is already a living organism that begins to develop the heartbeat and brain structure. It is a separate life, and the woman must take moral responsibility by interrupting it. Health problems is just one of the aspects of the consequences interrupting a new life. Emotional, psychological imbalance and disturbances in physiological comfort are the other side of the medal. For these reasons, a woman can turn in on herself, become depressed, nervous and apathy. There are problems in the family, in relationships with a loved man and often at work. Of course, women do not always admit that this is related to abortion in the recent past, but my experience shows that in many cases it is an integral part of their closest future. In the last half-year, there have been a couple of cases of patients coming to the examination and I'm asking if there was an abortion in the past. They say yes and begin to cry, explaining that it's hard to talk about it. It was a very difficult decision - there already have children and they could not afford one more baby for financial reasons. But the emotional trauma of the abortion is still felt, although it has been a couple of years already.

Not everything waving falls

Helēna Husainova, a psychiatrist:

Any woman experiences and suffers after abortion. What has been done has a lasting effect. If she denies it, then she just does not want to admit it. This means that it is fairly tempered and able to suppress the problem because she does not want to feel this pain. But such suppression is unhealthy, because it creates a new disease. The postabortion syndrome is like an avalanche that goes down the hill beyond the woman's will or control. It goes down faster and gets bigger until in some day it goes out in the form of depression or severe mental trauma.

A woman is a heart-wrenching creature - sooner or later she finds the root and cause of her depression. If she was able to face up to real things and identify this problem, it's time to seek support and speak it out. Not everyone has the opportunity to turn to specialists, so you can look for support groups, even in the Pregnancy Crisis Centre. If a woman, however, is not so extravagant and courageous to go to strangers for help, then she can ask for help to her closer friends or people who can be trusted and openly speaking - support of the loved ones is a big step towards solving the problem. In turn, a strong woman tries to subvert this negative energy into action - trying to focus more on work, sports, helping other people.

If a woman, who is pregnant is in doubt, then she needs help even more. A person by nature is constantly doubting. In any field and at any moment, where more responsible one than a child. These doubts can be dispelled by the presence of a doctor, psychotherapist or friend who gives a helping hand to her and will be able to discuss everything humanly and to support emotionally.

Laine, 23 years old

“About a year ago, I faced this disagreeable choice. Now everything is in the past, but questions remain unanswered. Do I did it right? What if I left the baby? Thank Heaven, there were good friends and support at that time. They called, worried and cared for me. I did not tell parents. Now, I often think about what will happen if I cannot get pregnant, how will I explain to my mom that she will never have grandchildren. Many girls consider abortion as an ideal solution to all problems, but often this is just the beginning of all the problems and unanswered questions.”

Māris, 28 years old

“Before time, a well-known girl made an abortion. Perhaps it's absurd, but now I feel like a co-partner of the murder, because at the moment when a couple told me that they decided not to keep the baby, I could not object to anything. I was convinced by their excuses that they are young themselves and will not be able to give anything to the child. Although life, in my opinion, is the greatest gift.”

Tatjana, 42 years old

“So it turned out that I have made a number of abortions. The feelings are poor, except once when there was a sad complication at the beginning of pregnancy. In other cases, I felt emotionally emptied and apathetic. I tried to focus on my existing children, preventing the feeling to go out. I devoted all my love and care to my son and little daughter. Some time ago I watched a movie about abortion, where a baby in mother's womb tried to avoid the sharp gynecological tools. I gave vent to my emotions. I cried for several hours and could not calm down. Since that time, something has changed in the relationship with my husband - I pushed him away, I was afraid of getting pregnant again. A man is a man; he has his own needs, so a beloved soon appeared. So, our marriage is the fiction at the moment.”

The source of the article: www.tvnet.lv/egoiste

Experience of the clients

Sun, 14 Apr 2019 13:00:00 +0000

It happened so in my life that my husband left the family unexpectedly. It turned out that he did not want me or our children. I was left alone with two kids and I was pregnant with the third one. I do not know what would I have done without a job, without material support.

The acquaintances told me about the Crisis Pregnancy Centre. I did not hope that I could get any help, yet I contacted them. In the Crisis centre I met the understanding of my situation and kind attitude. They helped me with clothes for a baby, they gave me pram, bedclothes, blankets. Later, when my son had already grown a little, I also received bigger clothes, warm outfits.

I give thanks from all my heart to Crisis Pregnancy Centre sponsors and all supporters, to those good people who helped and are still helping my family and me in such a difficult situation. The most sincere thanks to the centre's employees for their warmth of heart and responsiveness. I am very glad that the employees not only help materially but are really interested in how the baby is growing, is the baby healthy and if everything is alright.

In deep respect and gratitude, Liene

I am Inese, I am 18 years old. When my daughter was 2 months old, she died. I became very emotional, depressive, started to drink alcohol, my relatives wanted to institutionalize me in a mental hospital to treat me due to my behaviour.

By seeing little children, I wanted to take them with me to raise them. I cried a lot, I lost the sense of reality. The father of the child also started to drink, we estranged from each other.

"The Journey" (Ceļojums) helped me accept the existing situation, reconcile myself with the loss. I did not feel guilty any more about what had happened. I found strength again in myself to create new relationship, I understood that God had accepted my child and that I would be able to have children and relationship with men.

Thanks to the Crisis Pregnancy Centre for their support!

My name is Evelīna. I am 37. I have had 2 abortions in my life. I suffered from nightmares and depression. I have never told anybody about my experience with abortions and the sense of regret.

I am surprised about the results of "The Journey" (Ceļojums) - I don't have any thoughts about suicide any more, I have no nightmares, no sense of guilt.

The biggest benefit that I gained at "The Journey" (Ceļojums) was the feeling that God has forgiven me.

I wish strength and endurance to the Crisis Pregnancy Centre and thank you!

I am a student, I am 22. My girlfriend got pregnant. I called to the Crisis Pregnancy Centre in order to get to know where is it cheaper to carry out abortions, but, speaking with the consultant, I found out about the consequences of abortion. I with my girlfriend decided to come together to the Crisis Pregnancy Centre to consultation.

I want to say thanks to the Crisis Pregnancy Centre, because now we are happy together with our baby.

I am 45 years old. Two years ago I got pregnant. My children, husband, doctors - nobody supported my wish to give birth. I was threatened that a baby could be born ill.

I did an abortion due to common society pressure and I regret about this very much. I was desperate, I even did not want to live this "very well arranged" life. I thought about my unborn child.

In my opinion the society thinks that after the age of 40 a woman cannot give birth, because it is not acceptable. And I did not stand against this pressure of society.

The consultant at the Crisis Pregnancy Centre helped me speak out my pain, find forgiveness and get strength for further life.

I am Kristīne, I'm 33. Three years ago a miscarriage happened to me at the 12th week of pregnancy. I suffered it very much, but still I accepted that it was God's will. Anyway, I felt very badly despite the fact that I had a good family and job.

I went to psychotherapy specialist but she started to talk about my childhood, parents, started to solve everything in "Freudian style". My objections about the feelings for my lost child she did not take into account. Psychotherapy did not help me, but two years later I found out about the Crisis Pregnancy Centre and received help - "The Journey" (Ceļojums). After "The Journey" (Ceļojums) everything went back into places - I can assert that his programme is really saving in case of a child loss. Thanks to Crisis Pregnancy Centre!

A girl attended the Crisis Pregnancy Centre, she had carried out abortion 7 days ago. It was carried out in haste and flood of emotions. The girl felt very emotional about it - the loss of a baby and also about the fact that after this event she had split up with the father of the child.

The girl felt guilty, dirty, frightened. She thought - where is my child now?

"The Journey" (Ceļojums) helped find peace and forgiveness. The benefit was the possibility to speak about her pain, because the girl admitted that she was lonely, as everybody surrounding her were busy with their works and nobody had time for her.

Thanks to the Crisis Pregnancy Centre for help!

The experience of the volunteers

Fri, 15 Mar 2019 10:00:00 +0000

A year ago my story with the Crisis Pregnancy Centre started. As if a line of a coincidences led me to Crisis centre home page krizescentrs.lv. I wanted very much to get involved in some way into the work of the centre and help somebody, so they would not do the big mistake I did 27 years ago, when I was just 18 years old and I had an abortion. During these years I was tortured by depression, feeling of inferiority, not accepting myself. As I found out later, the fact that the abortion is just a medical manipulation and you can live as nothing would not have happened, is not true. The abortion is interference into the plan of life, taking away life of a young person, who is trusted to you as your child, and after-abortion syndrome is natural.

At the Internet home page of the crisis centre I found out, that it is possible to volunteer at this centre only after finishing the training course. It consists of two parts - Called to Care (Aicināti rūpēties) and The Journey (Ceļojums). The training once a week became an important part of my life. At these training sessions I got acquainted with women who were also ready to help others, but I certainly know that as a result we got help for ourselves too! This time was not easy, especially The Journey (Ceļojums), because during the training the most hidden pain was touched. The old wounds were torn up and "cleaned", so that they could heal forever. I still have one question in mind from the training materials - How did you feel in life before and after the abortion? When I had the abortion, I was very young and did not know what is the feeling when the adults feel good in their lives. Now I am 45 years old. The training course ended in June this year. When we all met again in September and we talked over how we had been the last summer, I understood that the feeling of my life has become brighter, richer, more valuable and I feel more wholesome. I think now I know how happy adults feel and I have been forgiven, that I took the life of a little one but already a human being.

Indra

I got to know about the Crisis Pregnancy Centre by accident, by "sitting" at one.lv. I just spotted the advert and read it. I decided straight away that it would be interesting to me.

From the training I expected understanding about work with crisis pregnancy cases and the specifics of after-abortion syndrome. During the training I went through two programmes and received the certificates of Crisis pregnancy and After-abortion counselling.

The new thing for me was that the consultations at the Crisis Pregnancy Centre are Bible-based. It was a completely new experience for me and, in my opinion, - very important. During the training and after that I had an opportunity to look at different things from other sides and find out new solutions.

I plan to volunteer at the Crisis Pregnancy Centre, by carrying out consultations and giving lectures at schools. I would also like to elaborate the programme of group sessions for women who have suffered after-abortion.

And, sure enough, at CPC I met many nice women who do a significant work, not saving their strength and time, women who care. It makes me glad and I am thankful for this meeting!

Jeļena

I am a psychologist-to-be, and as every new specialist, who thinks about the development of their professional skills and personality, I was looking for opportunities where to gain new competencies. I got to know about the Crisis Pregnancy Centre, by "surfing" in the Internet and I found this excellent opportunity to learn and after that to work as a volunteer consultant. This was a completely new experience for me, as I had not thought that in Latvia we have such organizations which can help women after abortions, or those women who experience unwanted pregnancy. The knowledge I gained during the training I consider as very valuable. These are universal truths that have been proven in practice and they are useful not only for representatives of "assisting professions" but also to every person who takes care about his/her closest people's psychological and physical well-being.

Karīna

About Crisis Pregnancy centre I found out from my friend. She suggested me this option - to learn and maybe in the future to work as a volunteer in this centre.

The training was very useful - I got to know a lot of new things about myself, and the experience of the Crisis Pregnancy Centre in work with people who come to consultations . I got to know about the despair of those people who have had abortion or premature baby loss.

At the moment I work at the Crisis Pregnancy Centre as a volunteer - I help women who have had miscarriage or premature baby loss.

Kristīne

How Inese regained peace after the loss of a baby

Mon, 21 Jan 2019 12:27:00 +0000

In order to strengthen other women who had lost their children, the client Inese of the

Crisis Pregnancy Centre shares her story how she regained peace, feeling of safety

and joy of living after the painful events.

I lost my Laima Estere at the 25/26 week of pregnancy, when I was already accustomed to the fact that I am expecting a child and I was glad about the growing baby bump. Only 4 days were left to the annual holiday which would be followed by prenatal leave, birth of the child etc. However, during the gynaecological visit I found out that the little one has not grown for a while and she has no heartbeats. Then I went to Rīga Maternity hospital. It was very hard to realize what had happened. On the one hand I had a clear vision on everything that had happened and I was able to easily arrange all things outside the hospital walls. Yet inwardly I had a big shock about the loss of the child and the sense of uncertainty why that had happened. I was offered to stay in the box - as if separated ward, where only I was placed. Yet behind the not transparent glass walls there were mums with their kids and that fact all the time reverted me back in the horrible reality. I cried. At the Maternity Hospital I was offered a consultation of psychotherapist, because they saw that I am not able to "cope with myself" - I was crying when a nurse came in. The psychotherapist woman came, we talked for an hour and a half, but after this conversation I was not better. There was a feeling that I needed help after what the specialist heard. At the end of the conversation - only official information - where I can find this specialist, in order to receive charged consultations.

The next trial was when one of the head nurses came in and asked what have I decided to do with the deceased child. Already beforehand with my family we decided that we would use state financed cremation and burial at "The garden of souls" (Dvēseļu dārzs), but the head nurse persisted on individual cremation. The next day she came into the ward and asked in a dry tone, what have I decided. When I repeated that I wanted a cremation together with other deceased children, she pushed a sheet of paper in front of me, where I had to sign that I give up my dead child. There was no one who could explain to me that the child would be registered at the Population Register, she will be given personal identity number and there will be possibility to write in her name. The head nurse did not explain it to me, because her attitude was as if I had given up my baby. Later on I found out that I could register child's name, but then I have to go from one institution to another and have to do it at specific period of time - personally. But in the situation I was not able neither physically nor emotionally fulfil these formalities. The fact that I did not have a telephone with Internet also restricted my ability to get to know about my rights. The only opportunity to find out more was to ask my parents or friends to find information.

A close friend visited me in the hospital, she had lost her daughter 4 years ago due to staphylococcus infection. She suggested to talk to the chaplain Lelde Titava at the Children's Clinical University hospital. The conversation with the chaplain Lelde helped me a lot, yet I still could not cope with the pain of loss, that was only growing with the time. After leaving the hospital I contacted on Skype the lecturer and consultant Laura Denlere who also had lost he child at similar pregnancy period and also just before Christmas. She gave me practical advise how woman's body feels after birth, how hormones affect feelings, as well as other valuable tips and consolation. Now and then we got in touch with Laura, it served as point of reference that I accomplish her advices so that I could help myself.

However, as I already mentioned, the pain of loss just increased, therefore I tried to look for help wherever possible. Yet everything collapsed in the moment when I found out the expert opinion that my daughter was completely healthy, but the placenta infarct had taken place therefore the placenta had not grown for the last 4 weeks but died off.

Here I have to step back in the past. With the father of the child we met in the bloom of summer. Falling in love, nice promises and future plans. My boyfriend wanted a baby therefore all family in Hungary was happy about the expected child. After a short while some complications arose in the relationship (by correspondence - as I was in Latvia, but the father of the child - in Hungary) and the man soon "disappeared". Many unsaid and tangled things were left, and I shared them with my work colleagues. One of the suggestions was to go to Hungary and talk it over. Right before the planned flight there was envisaged the screening of the second trimester. I told about the flight and expected conversation to the gynaecologist who carried out the screening and with the gynaecologist who supervised me. The doctors maintained that my child would not suffer from the flight. I told them that the conversation with the father of the child most probably would not be calm. My gynaecologist told me: "You go, but I would not like that you experience emotional shock."

Before the flight I had changed my mind - I did not want to speak with the father of the child and did not want any agitation, but as the ticket was already bought I could meet his parents, who always cared about me a lot when I visited them in Hungary. Yet my intention did not come true. I met the father of the child, but his behaviour was surprisingly aggressive. The determination not to worry was gone, but my heart was pounding and I wanted very much to drink water. Apparently at this moment the infarct of the placenta occurred.

So, when I found out why my little daughter died, not only the pain of loss of my baby started to strangle me but also the sense of guilt increased with every moment. I was looking for help - went to several clairvoyants, talked to people who had lost their babies, read the group ""Angels' mums" (Eņģelīšu māmiņas) at the portal "Cālis". One acquaintance suggested to attend qigong. Yet all these activities were not efficient. I felt worse and lost the joy of living, any hopes that I would be able to forgive myself.

By talking with a relative I found out that her daughter-in-law had also lost a baby but she had received help at Crisis Pregnancy Centre. At once I applied for a consultation. I understood that I have no more opportunities to help myself and I went to the consultation with complete trust and reliance. Already after the first consultation I felt that I have come to the right place. Here I was not told that the soul of the baby suffers if I do not let her go, or that everybody has its own karma etc. Also I was not told that enough time has passed and I should stop grieving, or - soon there will be another child (with precise indications - in autumn, there will be twins etc.) The mentioned things are those that I received during other consultations. In the Crisis Pregnancy Centre I was introduced with 10 step programme "The Journey" (Ceļojums). Under the guidance of the consultant I had to carry out various tasks and home works, which allowed to look deeper into myself, understand my feelings and at last get out of my pit of anguish. Of course, it did not happen in one day, it was a lasting process.

By looking back at this period, I admit that I admire my companion at this journey - her patience and professionalism with which she indulged in this job. Two years have passed since I met the father of the child and one year since I started the consultations at the Crisis Pregnancy Centre. None of the predicted by the clairvoyants have fulfilled - I have not become the mother for twins, and I have not formed new relationships, but looking back at myself two years ago I can say that at this moment there is more sense of security and joy of living that before this difficult trial. Surely, I remember my child every day, but now there is not this despair any more and pain as when I lost her.

The pregnancy which initially was not a crisis pregnancy became as such later. I did not think that I did not want a baby or that a child would be an obstacle yet the rejection of the father of the child hurt. The most painful was the fact that the child would not grow in a wholesome family. Unexpectedly my pregnancy had become a crisis pregnancy. After I received assistance at the Crisis Pregnancy Centre, I understood that if I have had information about such consultation centre beforehand, then maybe I would have managed to keep the baby. Therefore I appreciate very much that there is such a centre of Crisis Pregnancy and I wish that such information would reach as many people as possible. Maybe in a difficult moment a woman would know where to go so as to find a way out of the maze of her problems. Also I hope that this information will reach gynaecologists and they will be able to send women to the consultation at the Crisis Pregnancy Centre.

Follow the News

Mon, 21 Jan 2019 12:26:00 +0000

By following the Crisis Pregnancy Center on social media you will get news updates regarding our work, regarding abortion-related questions. You will read exciting success stories and learn about experiences when someone had to make a tough decision.